The start of new sem will prolly be bittersweet. I found someone to pour and foot my discontent and needs for luxury and i will be losing a roommate. No more words of wisdom from her, and the laughter and her voice yelling throughout the whole sem will be nothing but memories of what the past holds. I am so glad to know her, and i cant believe i actually had a fight with her over something silly. She was there through it all, patiently indulging me and enduring all my stupid antics. Now that she is gone, i find the room unbearable. I sent her off on her last day. I cannot bear to cry in front of her. My hope is that since now we are in the same romance circle, we can hang out. I am missing her badly. Love you forever.
Pak Arab bought his ticket last minute and he had to endure transits like KL- Abu Dhabi -Jeddah and he was so pissed. I will be if i were him too. To make it more annoying, i had a viral fever and cannot send him for fear of spreading the disease. You know imigration policies differ in countries, what if he can;t enter his country ?? Lols. He keeps calling through it all. Poor guy. Get back here fast ok. Missing you millions.
Btw, psychopaths are really scary, arent they ? The things they do can make even the tiniest hair on your neck stands. Condolences to Kak Hanis and family.God is always will the victims.
30.5.08
Face.
On Hiatus.
The holiday is here and i spent it all lazing around the house,doing mundane things i never had time to entertain during the hectic sems. Even blogging seems to appeal less to me. Wow. The lazy bug is sure creeping. Ive compiled some take on events that happened during my short hiatus and here it goes :
- Satay Kajang Haji Samuri in Kajang is really the best. Fast service, and delicious food simply got me amazed palate and all. The meats are succulent and barbequed with a little crispiness and hints of char. Nice.Its located at the Medan Satay. Please google for directions.No pictures as there is absolutely no ladylike way to eat satay.
- Ive been a naughty girl and ended up with hickeys. Bobbi Brown Foundation clearly saves me by covering the marks completely even without concealers as im too broke to buy one and i had to make do with what i have.Its amazing as the marks are really big and they are done just before i got back. Bobbi Brown is really my Holy Grail, for now.
- Malay Feudalism is something that needs to be changed. The one who refused to step down is a vermin we must extinguish,however the fate of the Malays must be saved and it is up to us. Do not vote for parties, UMNO is no longer the party it was before. Be smart, or regret ignoring. We need to change the mentalities that is so often embedded in the minds of our race. Hidup Melayu !
-Im currently in the process of dating someone.Families disapprove because of his nationality. You know, Pak Arab. However, will update should anything comes up.
Enjoy the holidays MMU students ! ;)I know i am ;)
23.5.08
Happy !
Exams are ovahh...and that means its time to go home.Unfortunately yours truly will have to wait until Sunday till her parents pick her up.Damper. Bye2 Gamma..
14.5.08
One man does makes a difference.
Aiyah, bilalah orang DAP nak buang otak Cina dan tukar kepada otak Malaysia? Patutlah orang Umno suruh orang DAP balek Cina. Aku dah lama nak masuk DAP tapi meluat tengok perangai Chinese Chauvinist DAP ni.
NO HOLDS BARRED
Raja Petra Kamarudin
KUALA LUMPUR, April 23 (Bernama) -- DAP Chairman Karpal Singh today appealed to Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi to instruct Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar to revoke the detention order on the five Hindraf leaders detained under the Internal Security Act (ISA).
Karpal said that despite the detention orders by the King, Syed Hamid could at any time under the law revoke the orders on the five leaders of the Hindu Rights Action Force (Hindraf).
The King had on March 26 ordered for the leaders two-year detention, effective Dec 13 last year, be continued until completion.
"I would have thought, in line with the reconciliatory stance of the government in bringing about reforms, including setting up of a judicial commission for the appointment and promotion of judges, the five leaders would have been set free to rejoin their families.
"In fact, the Government should, in line with this approach, repeal the ISA," said Karpal, who is also Bukit Gelugor MP, in a statement tonight.
On Dec 13 last year, the authorities detained M. Manoharan, P. Uthayakumar, V. Ganabatirau, R. Kenghadharan and K. Vasanthakumar for organising a mass rally in the federal capital and making demands for the rights of Indians in the country.
Nik Aziz’s son was detained for more than five years. Do you know the name of this son? There are about 90 or so ‘Muslim terrorists’ who are in their seventh year of detention. Okay, we have five Hindraf activitists, now popularly known as the HINDRAF 5, who have been under detention for the last four months. And their names are M. Manoharan, P. Uthayakumar, V. Ganabatirau, R. Kenghadharan and K. Vasanthakumar. Yes, that’s right, five Indians going by the name of M. Manoharan, P. Uthayakumar, V. Ganabatirau, R. Kenghadharan and K. Vasanthakumar have been under detention without trial since the last four months and we want them freed without any further delay.
That’s work with me. I am all for it. Now, can be list down the names of the other 90 or so Malaysians who have been detained for up to six to seven years? The five Indians are called M. Manoharan, P. Uthayakumar, V. Ganabatirau, R. Kenghadharan and K. Vasanthakumar. I want to know the names of the other 90 Malaysians -- Malays, Chinese, Indians, and other ‘natives’. Can we also list their names down? Who are they? Where are they from? The five Indians have been under detention since Christmas last year. Some of the other 90 have been under detention for six or seven Christmases.
I believe in FIFO (first in, first out) not LIFO (last in, first out). Okay, we know that the HINDRAF 5 -- M. Manoharan, P. Uthayakumar, V. Ganabatirau, R. Kenghadharan and K. Vasanthakumar -- have been detained for the ‘crime’ of organising a massive demonstration in Kuala Lumpur on 25 November 2007. What are the crimes of the other 90 -- whom no one cares what their names are?
According to the government, the HINDRAF 5 are under detention because they have links with international terrorists and had planned to create chaos in Malaysia. Of course, that is a government lie and we certainly don’t believe that lie. Also according to the government, the other 90 have been detained because they too have links with international terrorists and they too had planned to create chaos in Malaysia. The government could be correct on this one because most of these 90 or so are Muslims and, according to America, all Muslims are terrorists.
Okay, maybe not all 1.2 billion or so Muslims are terrorists. Maybe only 0.1% of Muslims are terrorists. But that means we have to be careful about the balance 99.9% because they could also be terrorists since they share the same religion.
Hmm…is not the government using this same argument to detain the HINDRAF 5? Since 0.1% Indians in Sri Lanka are terrorists then M. Manoharan, P. Uthayakumar, V. Ganabatirau, R. Kenghadharan and K. Vasanthakumar must also be terrorists since they share the same skin colour and religion.
As I said in my earlier piece, yes, let us fight for the release of the HINDRAF 5. I agree that they are victims of political persecution. But if you do not want to also fight for the release of the other 90 at least mention their names to show that you know who they are.
In fact, there are also some Chinese amongst those 90. Yes, and I bet you did not know that. I bet you do not know how many of them are Chinese. And I further bet you do not know what their names are. And I dare bet my last dollar that you don’t know why they were detained and how long they have been under detention.
Do you know, 20 years ago, a young Chinese girl from Kuala Terengganu was detained because she spoke about Jesus Christ to some Malays. The Malays reported her and the unfortunate girl was detained under ISA. Don’t you Chinese, in particular you Christians, feel outraged? Or is it you don’t dare express outrage or else you will also have to express outrage about the Muslims who have been detained for more than six or seven years?
One of my schoolmates, Hilmi, was also detained under ISA. He was detained because he left Islam to become a Christian and eventually went up to become a senior priest in the church. I bet you will now express outrage about Hilmi’s detention because he is a Malay who became a Christian. But if he was a Malay who remained a Muslim then you probably would not be interested to know why he was detained.
I met one Chinese woman while she was still under ISA detention who told the Suhakam Commission of Inquiry that she was asked to strip naked so that her Malay jailors could feast their eyes on her naked body. Still not outraged yet? Okay, I also met a Chinese chap who was beaten senseless. He no longer knew how long he had been detained. He just sat there and cried and was not able to utter a word. They had beaten him so bad that he had lost his mind. The Suhakam Commissioners were speechless and did not know what to say. I hope, now, you are outraged and can see the ‘logic’ of broadening your focus beyond just the HINDRAF 5.
DAP is not a Chinese party. No doubt 30 Indians contested under DAP’s banner on 8 March 2008 and Hindraf was certainly a factor that swung the election results. But we must not just ‘bodek’ the Indians. If DAP wants to be perceived as a ‘Malaysian’ party, rather than a Chinese party that is merely exploiting the Indian issue, then it has to broaden its ‘perjuangan’. PAS is currently debating whether to admit non-Muslims into the party. If they vote in favour of that move, and Chinese Christians and Indian Hindus join PAS, then DAP may become irrelevant. And there are Indians and Chinese waiting to jump into PAS the instant it opens it doors to the non-Muslims.
The new Speaker of the Selangor State Assembly finally wore a songkok when he went before the palace to take his oath of office. Earlier, this Chinese State Assemblyman from DAP wrote in his Blog that he will never wear a songkok and that he will boycott any function that requires him to wear one.
Kurang ajar sungguh! He has been a State Assemblyman for many terms and is now the Speaker of the Selangor State Assembly and he still does not know that one must never mengadap Tuanku with a ‘kepala gondol’ (naked head). Even if you mengadap the Queen of England or the Emperor of Japan you can’t do so with a naked head. This is called ‘dress code’.
I remember once when Sultan Hisamuddin Alam Shah, the Sixth Sultan of Selangor, was denied entry into the Lake Club. He was actually the guest of honour of the Club President and was being escorted there by my grandfather, Raja Sir Tun Uda. But they were both denied entry into the Lake Club, so the Sultan and my grandfather just turned around and went home without a fuss.
Even a Sultan can be denied entry. And he did not say anything or protest even though he was a Sultan and wielded immense power in those pre-Merdeka days. Do you think it is unfair if the Sultan denies someone entry into the palace if that person refuses to observe the proper dress code? Anyway, some were in fact not properly attired when they mengadap the Sultan recently but Tuanku did not make an issue out of it. Tuanku was very accommodating and chatted with everyone in a very friendly manner even though some were ‘disrespectful’ or, in palace lingo, tidak beradat.
Let us grow up and move ahead (even the Sultan was prepared to close his eyes to the DAP ‘protest’). We need to rise above the ‘I refuse to wear anything that is Malay’ tantrum. And Karpal Singh should stop whacking those DAP leaders who wore the songkok during the recent swearing-in ceremony because this will just make these people suffer from songkok phobia. And to throw up the excuse that they refuse to wear the songkok because ‘it is something Malay’ does not go down well with the Malay grassroots who are already being poisoned by Umno that ‘Malay land is falling into the hands of the Chinese’. Why make it easier for Umno to convince the Malays that this is so?
Okay, the very stubborn State Assemblyman who would rather get sent to hell than wear a songkok finally relented and wore one. Of course, wearing a songkok is a small sacrifice when the prize is the position of Speaker of the Selangor State Assembly. DAP had earlier decided that they will leave it to each state to decide whether to wear one or not. And Selangor decided that they will wear one when they mengadap Tuanku in keeping with proper adat istiadat istana. So can Karpal please now leave them alone and stop whacking them for ‘becoming like Malays’.
And if these Wakil Rakyat, both Members of Parliament and State Assemblymen, do a good job, the Rulers may want to reward them. I know Karpal is not happy if any of the DAP leaders become Datuk or Tan Sri or, heaven forbid, Tun. Hey, this is the way the Rulers reward dedicated, hardworking, loyal and faithful servants of the people. So please stop warning the DAP leaders that if the Rulers offer them any award, decoration or title they should reject them like how Lim Kit Siang did so some years back.
Would you rather they buy them from Umno like all those other Chinese towkays and tycoons? For RM100,000 to RM250,000, depending on the state, the Chinese and Indians tycoons can get a datukship. Fortunately, though, those are not states that are under Pakatan Rakyat control. If the Rulers feel that some DAP leaders have done a great job and Their Highnesses would like to decorate them, then let it be. Hey, maybe not a single DAP leader will get a datukship until the day he or she dies. But in the event the Rulers decide they would like to dish some out, then stop getting in the way. Just allow the DAP leaders to accept these awards. After all, if they have done a good job then they deserve these awards.
It is very discouraging to hear that warnings have already been given that DAP leaders should not accept these awards. Why embarrass the Rulers? Better Karpal or Kit Siang just issue an official Press Release, today, that DAP leaders are forbidden (diharamkan) from accepting decorations and awards from the Rulers. Then DAP leaders can be excluded from the awards list and the Rulers can be spared the embarrassment of offering them to the DAP leaders only to have the DAP leaders tell Tuanku, “Thank you Tuanku, but no thank you, not interested in your stupid awards and decorations!”
Aiyah, bilalah orang DAP nak buang otak Cina dan tukar kepada otak Malaysia? Patutlah orang Umno suruh orang DAP balek Cina. Aku dah lama nak masuk DAP tapi meluat tengok perangai Chinese Chauvinist DAP ni.
One man does makes a difference.
Whatever it may be, one thing is very clear in my mind. This is God’s will and if I am to suffer a fate of long detention then this is what God has willed for me. And I will submit to God’s will for does not Islam mean submission?
NO HOLDS BARRED
Raja Petra Kamarudin
I attended a dinner a few weeks ago and amongst the 30 or 40 in attendance was one MCA chap who admitted he had contested the general election twice but lost on both counts. If he had contested the recent election he would have made it a perfect score of three. As they say in the US, three times and you’re out.
The host asked me to say a few words, which I did, and this was followed by a questions and answers session. Amongst the questions was one posed by the MCA chap. He wanted to know if I am still a Muslim as what I write gives an impression I have left Islam.
I noticed that the host was a bit uncomfortable. He said that that is a very personal question and added they should refrain from posing personal questions. He then turned to me and said I need not reply if I did not wish to do so. But I did wish to reply and I did.
I do not blame this MCA chap for asking me that. Being Chinese and a non-Muslim he probably does not understand what Islam is all about. In fact, many Muslims themselves do not understand Islam and to them Islam is merely the five rukun or rituals that all Muslims must perform to get ‘confirmed’ as a Muslim.
Rituals, however, are just that, rituals. These are what Muslims would call fardu ain. You acknowledge in your heart and on your lips that there is no God but God and that Muhammad is the Messenger of God, you pray five times a day, you pay your tithes (zakat and fitrah), you fast 29-30 days in a year during the month of Ramadhan, and you go Mekah at least once in your lifetime to perform your pilgrimage or Haj if you are able to (health-wise, finance-wise, and if it poses no danger to your safety and security and you are not barred from leaving your home).
Doing these five things would make you a Muslim but only as far as performing the rituals are concerned. Whether you are truly a Muslim at heart or just a ‘show’ Muslim would be subject to whether you really have faith or akidah. And akidah can never be in the rituals you perform. It has to be something that rests in your head and lies in your heart. Which means you have no control over akidah. Either you have it or you don’t. You can’t ‘perform’ akidah like you can your prayers, fasting, Haj, and so on.
The akidah part is where most Muslims fail. They could be doing more than just fast 29-30 days a year but be fasting on the optional days as well. They could be praying more than just five times a day but be performing the optional prayers as well. They could be going to Mekah every year with the ‘small Haj’ or Umrah thrown in between that. And they could be paying more than just the 2.5% tithe but be giving sedekah (donations) to all forms of charity and causes. But if they don’t have akidah then they are not Muslims. And many Muslims are merely ‘show’ Muslims but not really Muslims at heart.
Uttering on your lips that there is no God but God and that Muhammad is the Messenger of God is easy. Even believing that is not difficult. Praying five times a day and fasting 30 days or more a year is also not difficult. In fact, it may actually be quite healthy if you are not diabetic or suffer from gastric. And paying a lot of money by way of tithes and by donating to various charities plus going to Mekah every year is also no problem if you are rich. However, beyond this, most Muslims fail miserably.
How many Muslims would believe in and accept God’s will? They would believe in God and believe that God owns all and decides all but they find great difficulty in believing in and accepting God’s will. Of course, every Muslim will say that man proposes but God disposes. But do they really believe this? And can they accept this? Sad to say, most would not.
I received a phone call early this morning saying that the police have contacted YB William Leong to inform him they will be taking me in today. It was not made clear whether it would be to take my statement, which they failed to get from me last Friday, or whether I am to be detained or charged. Nevertheless, I am on standby, waiting for them to phone me to ‘surrender’ myself to Bukit Aman, or for them to come to my house to arrest me. Either way I am waiting and am quite prepared for the prospect that this may be my last article for quite some time to come.
Whatever it may be, one thing is very clear in my mind. This is God’s will and if I am to suffer a fate of long detention then this is what God has willed for me. And I will submit to God’s will for does not Islam mean submission?
Yes, Islam is not about rituals. Islam is not about ‘showing’ you are a true Muslim by performing rituals. Islam is about submission and there can be no submission unless you are able to and prepared to submit to God’s will. Not doing so would mean that you have no submission in your heart and therefore would not be a Muslim at heart.
Thus far I have only mentioned fardu ain, the rituals that a Muslim needs to perform. But Islam is more than just fardu ain. There is another fardu called fardu kifayah. And fardu kifayah is mandatory upon all Muslims. But fardu kifayah is not about rituals. It is about doing your duty to the community. And one of the most important tasks a Muslim must perform for his community is to oppose all forms of evil or kemunkaran.
And that is what I perform under the mandatory fardu kifayah. I oppose evil. But the government calls it sedition. And for my ‘crime’ of sedition they would like to send me to jail. I would not like to go to jail for grabbing the backside of a cigar girl. I would not like to go to jail for raping an underage girl. I would not like to go to jail for murdering a Mongolian woman. I would not like to go to jail for robbing the nation. But I would enjoy going to jail for fulfilling my duty as a true Muslim under the mandatory fardu kifayah. So I await jail with glee in my heart.
I know the order from ‘the top’ is to put me out of action. The powers-that-be is of the opinion that the ruling party suffered a licking in the 8 March 2008 general election because they lost the media war and that Malaysia Today is one of the contributors. So, by putting me away would mean that Malaysia Today would be rendered impotent. This is what they believe. And they also believe that by taking me in, probably later today, this would solve the problems of the ruling party.
There is one thing the powers-that-be appears to have overlooked. And this is because they are merely Muslims by ritual and not Muslims at heart. And what they have overlooked is that nothing can happen without God’s will. But why would God will that I get taken in? Only God would know the answer to this question. The Lord, as we all know, moves in mysterious ways. God knows what He is doing. We must therefore look at the big picture. And the big picture would become clearer as time goes on.
So let us wait to see what happens today, that is if anything is going to happen. And if the police do like what they told YB William Leong they are going to do, then we must accept that this is what God wanted them to do. And as for the reason why God wanted them to do this will unravel in time. Whatever it may be, God is not frivolous. God does not do things for no reason. God always does things with a purpose in mind. So we must go along with God’s grand plan because God has said in the Holy Book that he is the greatest schemer of all and mankind can never be a greater schemer than Him.
So I await the arrival of the police or for the phone call for me to come surrender myself to Bukit Aman. And when that happens I will do what is required of me and not question God’s wisdom. For I am not a Muslim by way of mere rituals but a Muslim at heart. It is from God we came and to God we shall return. And everything that happens in-between is part of God’s grand plan.
Yes, performing rituals is easy. A ‘show’ Muslim is not hard to emulate. But a true Muslim at heart is what Islam is all about. And I would like to be that type of Muslim who surrenders to God’s will with gratitude in my heart and faith in that whatever befalls me is always for a reason and part of God’s plan that has been determined long before I came into the world midnight of 27 September 1950 in the Year of the Tiger.
I am Malaysian.
Dear Julie Teo.
Julie,
I was really touched with what you told me. I guess i agree that Pink Gloss is really me.I wrote time and again that i am not interested in earning fame by writing, and i write what i please.But throughout my blogging experiences, i learned that even in the blogging world, people changed to be accepted.I read blogs of people who used to be different, and who is different in the real world changed to gain readers in their blogs.I personally know a girl who is a far cry from a shopaholic turned into this chic-loving teen in her blog.I shuddered to think if i am the same, if i changed to be accepted.The things people do to be in, you know. However you put my mind at ease knowing i am still me and i guess the danger of me pretending will be so remote that it is not worthy worrying my mind for , right? Thanks again for reading my blog and i will definitely read yours.You stalk me, i stalk you.Hahaha..
Btw,
I would love to have another discussion with you. It was too noisy in CITS right?
Love kisses sweetheart !
13.5.08
A million reason.
UN aids have finally been received in Myanmar. Thank God all the prayers have been answered.
11.5.08
Interesting Quote
Hear Hear !! I think it's kind of selfish to pollute the air and cause cancer to others by smoking too. But that is my opinion, and yours might differ.Please don't be offended.
The Heartbreaking Story of a Sacred Friendship
*Pictures and Story taken from the Daily Mail UK*
Hannah Forrester had put up with endless testing and prodding while doctors tried to work out what was wrong with her.
Throughout, she'd remained a happy and contented little girl. But when she was told she had cancer and that the medicine would make her long brown hair fall out, she stopped talking and refused to eat or drink.
When her mother Cathy tried to hug her, the distraught child pushed her away.
Then into her room one day walked Molly, a five-year-old on the same ward.
Scroll down for more...
Hannah Forrester, right, with Molly - the little girl who gave her a reason to fight her cancer
She, too, had cancer - a rare form called Wilms.
"She just walked into Hannah's room and introduced herself," recalls Cathy.
"She explained to Hannah: 'You need to take your medicine to make you better. Your hair will fall out like mine, but it doesn't matter. 'My mummy says it'll grow back as long as Rapunzel's.'
"To my astonishment, Hannah listened. Following Molly's lead, she snapped out of her depression and began co-operating with the doctors and nurses.
"It was the start of an incredible friendship for the girls."
Hannah had become ill in June 2006, at the age of four. The veins on her chest looked prominent, and she was unusually tired.
Her GP in Beckenham, Kent, put these symptoms down to an allergy, but the antihistamines he prescribed didn't work.
Over the next ten days, Hannah seemed increasingly tired.
When, later that week, Cathy took her and her brother Daniel, then eight, swimming, Hannah said she was too tired and climbed out of the pool.
"She loved swimming - this was totally out of character," says Cathy.
She was also still worried about the prominent veins on her daughter's chest.
"I just knew something was wrong," she says.
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Hannah with her parents Kathy and Barry and older brother Daniel
Fortunately, Cathy listened to her instincts and took her daughter to a specialist children's A&E department in Lewisham, South London.
"The staff there were very concerned," she recalls. "They did blood tests and a chest X-ray, and kept her in overnight for more tests."
Cathy's husband Barry, 41, rushed to the hospital. Following a CT scan, the doctor took them to one side.
"She said Hannah needed to be transferred to London's Great Ormond Street Hospital immediately. She asked me to warn Hannah that she'd be in a ward where she would see lots of children with no hair.
"I know it sounds weird, but that's how she explained it.
"I asked: 'Are you saying my child has cancer?'
"She said: 'Yes, I'm afraid so.'"
The scan showed a large tumour was compressing Hannah's main arteries, near her heart. "At that stage, I was too shocked to absorb the information," says Cathy. "I just couldn't believe she was ill."
Cathy told Hannah she was very sick and needed to go to a special hospital where they could make her better.
"I made it sound like an adventure, and promised a party when she felt better. She took it well; she liked the idea of an ambulance ride."
At Great Ormond Street, the illness was diagnosed as T-Cell Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma.
Lymphoma is cancer of the lymphocytes - a type of white blood cell in the lymphatic system that helps the body fight disease.
Tumours can grow anywhere in the body. There are more than 10,000 new cases in the UK each year, but only 60 to 70 are in children.
"The doctors said the cancer was so aggressive that if we hadn't caught it when we did, Hannah would have died within two weeks," says Cathy.
"I couldn't understand how she could have this large tumour without us knowing. She had all the symptoms - night sweats, dry cough, lethargy and loss of appetite - but they'd only developed in the past couple of weeks."
Doctors at Great Ormond Street decided to treat the cancer with six months of intensive chemotherapy, followed by less intensive chemotherapy over the next two years.
Hannah was given an 80 per cent chance of survival, but the chemo-therapy would weaken her immune system, exposing her to infections.
Treatment began immediately. Cathy spent the next eight weeks staying in Hannah's room at the hospital, while her husband Barry and son Daniel visited daily.
A device was fitted in Hannah's chest through which drugs could be given intravenously, and blood could be taken for tests.
"I explained to Hannah that she needed special medicine that would make her hair fall out. I tried to reassure her it would soon grow back, but she cried and said: 'I don't want the medicine. I don't want to lose my hair!'
"If a doctor or nurse came in, she'd scream and kick them. She stopped talking to me and refused to eat or drink.
"It was heartbreaking to see my little girl, who was normally so happy and lively, like that."
Hannah also had to have a feeding tube inserted through her nose and down her oesophagus, through which nutritious liquid food could be given when she felt too nauseous to eat.
"Although they managed to get the line down, she screamed about that, too," says Cathy. "Everything was a battle and took twice as long as it should have - it was horrible for us to have to watch. I just wished I could take her place."
Then, a week after Hannah was admitted, Molly Biederman, who'd already lost her hair, skipped into her room and smiled.
She told Hannah she needed her medicine to get better, and not to worry about losing her hair because it would grow back. She looked around the room at the Disney Princess cushions Hannah had been given for her fifth birthday and said: "I love princesses, too."
"Hannah didn't say hello or smile," says Cathy, "but she was listening. Later, when it was time for her chemotherapy, for the first time she didn't fight."
After that, Molly, who was in a room across the corridor, visited Hannah every day.
Molly's mother Emma, who was pregnant with her second child, introduced herself to Cathy.
"Despite coping with her own daughter's cancer, she was so chatty, positive and strong," Cathy says. "I felt in awe of her - just as Hannah was in awe of Molly. She inspired me.
"Emma made me see that life goes on, even when your child has cancer. That you can be upbeat and keep your sense of humour."
Emma, now 31, told Cathy that tumours had been found in Molly's lungs and right kidney while the family were on holiday in Canada in 2005, just before Molly turned four.
She was diagnosed with Wilms' tumours - a kidney cancer found mainly in under-fives.
The cancer was very advanced and had already spread from Molly's right kidney to her lungs.
Like Hannah, Molly was one of around only 70 children a year to be diagnosed with her type of cancer. However, doctors were optimistic and rated her chances of beating it at 70 per cent.
Molly had had her right kidney removed, followed by chemotherapy and radiotherapy to treat the lungs. Happily, she had responded well.
Cathy says: "Molly was full of life and chatted to Hannah as if she hadn't a care in the world. I thought: 'What a lovely little girl.'
"She showed Hannah that she could still enjoy life, and that it was better to accept what was happening rather than fight.
The girls would play with Barbie dolls together, draw girly pictures of hearts and flowers, talk about Disney princesses and giggle over silly things.
"Gradually, I saw glimpses of the old Hannah returning. After four weeks of treatment, she'd chat to Molly about it, asking questions like: 'Does your head feel cold? When will your hair grow back?'
"Then, to my immense relief, she began talking to me, too. Molly helped Hannah to accept her illness in a way that no one else could."
When Hannah's hair began to fall out in clumps, Molly said: "Don't worry, the hair fairy will take it and leave a present. You'll get to decorate a hair box to put it in."
Cathy says: "Hannah got excited about the hair fairy. The specialist play worker who helped all the children on the ward would help the children decorate a shoe box for their hair, and then the 'hair fairy' would take the box and leave them a present, like the tooth fairy."
Hannah and Cathy had to stay at the hospital for several weeks at a time, but Molly was on a different chemotherapy programme.
She would be in for a few days, then go home again. Hannah really missed her whenever she was away, and become quiet and withdrawn.
The girls were soon best friends, and their mothers discovered they lived only a 15-minute drive from each other.
"They'd play together in the hospital playroom, or whizz up and down the corridor throwing footballs around. Sometimes it seemed astonishing that they were ill."
In the six months they knew each other, both girls seemed to go from strength to strength. In September 2006, Molly started school.
Three months later, in December, Hannah had more chemotherapy. Even though she'd had the same drugs before, this time she responded badly.
"It knocked her right back," says Cathy. "Her stomach lining began bleeding (a side- effect of the drugs) and she became very lethargic and down. It was heartbreaking to see her like this."
Knowing how close the girls had become, Molly's father Rob took his daughter to visit Hannah in hospital.
Molly gave her best friend an early Christmas present - a kit to decorate her own door plaque, jewellery box and photo frame.
Little did they know it then, but it was to be the last time the little girls would see each other.
"I remember Molly looked really well," says Cathy. "She ran around, sat on Hannah's bed, chatted to her and cuddled her."
Rob had good news, too: Molly's latest scan had shown that her tumours had all been killed, and they were looking forward to a fresh start in the New Year.
On December 23, Hannah was allowed home - but she didn't seem at all well.
"She didn't have the energy to get excited," Cathy says. "On Christmas Day, her head was burning and she looked very pale. I helped her open her main present - a Barbie house.
"She'd wanted it for months, but she didn't even smile."
Knowing something was very wrong, Cathy immediately took her to Lewisham Hospital.
"Within minutes, four nurses and a doctor began working on her, while another doctor tried frantically to page colleagues. I was terrified."
Doctors believed Hannah was critically ill with blood poisoning. They suspected the infection might have come from the tube that had been fitted into her chest to administer chemotherapy.
Her body was shutting down and they feared her heart was about to stop.
Hannah was rushed to intensive care, where staff struggled to stabilise her.
"I was ushered out of the room as they tried desperately to save her. A nurse ran after me and said: 'Please come back and give your daughter a kiss.'
She was trying to tell me they feared that Hannah was dying.
"I looked at my little girl, attached to a drip and life support machine, with tubes everywhere, and I broke down and sobbed. Barry was distraught, too.
"Daniel stood beside us, pale and shocked, asking if his sister would get better. All we could say was that we had to hope and pray that she would."
After three hours, staff managed to stabilise Hannah, though she remained critically ill.
"The doctors warned me they didn't know if they could save her," says Cathy.
On December 29, after four days in intensive care, she was transferred to Great Ormond Street, where she continued to deteriorate.
A nurse there told them that little Molly, too, was seriously ill.
Moments later, her mother Emma walked in. "For the first time since I'd known her, she wasn't upbeat," recalls Cathy.
"She was crying. I hugged her as she explained a new tumour had grown on Molly's lung in the two weeks since her last scan. It was so aggressive, it could not be treated. 'Molly's dying,' she sobbed. 'She only has 48 hours.'"
But even in the face of death, Molly showed great courage.
Emma says: "She knew she was dying. She asked if we were proud of her, if she'd been brave. We told her what a heroine she was, and how we were bursting with pride."
That night, a nurse explained how dying children often hang on to life longer than they ought to, not wanting to leave their parents to grieve.
So Emma told her brave little girl it was time to stop fighting. "I said there were lots of people waiting to meet her in Heaven. She opened her eyes and looked at me. It was a look of acceptance. Then she went back to sleep."
Just a few paces away, Cathy willed Hannah to cling to life. "I prayed she'd pull through, and pleaded with her to keep fighting.
"My only consolation, if there can be any in that situation, was thinking: 'At least if both girls go, they'll go together.'"
At 2.55am, Hannah woke up screaming. "I hugged her, but she was inconsolable," says Cathy. "She couldn't tell me why she was crying. I cuddled and stroked her, and she went back to sleep."
By the next morning, Hannah was out of danger. But when Cathy saw Emma and Rob, they broke the news that Molly had died.
"We hugged and cried. I asked Emma what time Molly had passed away and she said 2.55am - the exact time Hannah had woken up screaming."
Cathy waited five days until Hannah was stronger before telling her about Molly.
"She was distraught. She sobbed and wailed: 'But she never got to see her hair grow back.' I told her the angels had taken Molly to Heaven - that she was happy and healthy there.
"But it was so hard for her to accept. She asked if she could go and see her there, or if the angels could bring Molly back to visit. It was heart-rending."
In an attempt to help Hannah accept Molly's death, Cathy encouraged Hannah to talk about Molly whenever she wanted.
"At Hannah's sixth birthday party on July 1, 2007, she was so upset that Molly couldn't come. She set off a pink balloon for her, with a secret note attached to the end. As it floated away, she yelled: 'Molly, here's a balloon for you.'"
Hannah is now nearing the end of her treatment for cancer. She's still in remission and doing well at school.
"She's made lots of friends but still talks about Molly a lot. She'll never forget her - none of us will," says Cathy.
Emma is now seven months pregnant with her third child. "I still miss Molly terribly, and no one can ever replace her, but I don't feel bitter," she says.
"For some reason, Molly wasn't meant to live long. Rob and I feel extremely lucky to have had her with us as long as we did."
Cathy says the two families still talk regularly. "When you go through something like this together, you create a bond that cannot be broken."
Emma and Rob have set up a fund to raise money for research in memory of Molly. Emma is also training in childcare so she can work as a play specialist at Great Ormond Street.
She says: "The hospital did so much for our children. This is our way of giving something back, and keeping Molly's memory alive."
• TO HELP Molly's fund and for more information about Wilms' tumours, go to www.wecanbeatwilms.org. To support Great Ormond Street's Kiss It Better campaign to fund research into childhood cancer, go to www.gosh. org/kissitbetter
10.5.08
Have You Seen a Chief Minister In Economy ?
As Ning and I were lining up to board our flight to Penang on Wednesday afternoon, I spotted a familiar face standing in front of us in the queue. So I whispered to Ning.
Me: Look in front of us. It's Guan Eng.
Ning: Who?
Me: YAB Mr. Lim Guan Eng, the Chief Minister of Penang.
Ning: No lah.
Me: Yes lah! I know how he looks lah. It's the CM lah.
Ning: Takkan CM jalan sorang sorang. If he's the CM, where's the bodyguards and the officers and the rombongan and kaum kerabat?
Me: Tak percaya? Watch and learn.
So I walked up to Yang Amat Berhormat, introduced myself and asked to take a picture. He smiled and obliged.
YAB CM: Hey, I know you! You're Ning Baizura!
Ning: YAB Lim, good afternoon.
YAB CM: Come, come, we take a picture. Vernon, here's my card. Email me the pictures OK.
Me: Definitely, sir.
Ambik kau. CM pun peminat katanya!
Ning and I really felt honoured. But we felt more surprised that the Chief Minister of a state was travelling all by himself like any normal rakyat jelata. But the biggest surprise in store for us was yet to come.
As usual, we sat in First Class. I expected the CM to be seated somewhere in front of us but then I realised he wasn't in First Class. Where did he disappear to???
I popped my head round the curtain that veils First Class and Economy Class and guess who I saw sitting in the front row seat of Economy quietly reading the newspapers?
YAB Mr. Lim, you have my deepest respect. You have made history by being the first Chief Minister in this country to sit in Economy Class whilst in office as Chief Minister. You really mean what you say when you talk about cost-cutting. Sir, you have shown me leadership by example.
Of course I asked permission to take his picture sitting in Economy and he laughed. And I said I'd blogged about it and he laughed some more, and gave permission. Ketua Menteri yang berjiwa rakyat.
From me : If more politicians are like YAB LGE, Malaysia will be free from all the sickening and highly embarassing issues so often potrayed in the Internet about our country. Politicians are servants of the people, not the other way round. Enuff said.
Le Roi Soleil - Tant qu'on reve encore
This song makes me smile throughout the day! I don't speak french, but je tadore beaucoup le roi soleil ~
11.05.2008
8.5.08
Ecstatic !
On another happier note,i am officially stalking AFFA's blog ! I never knew he had a blog. The writing just connects me and i simply love the pictures he posted. I guess being too busy to actually live life, i live vicariously through other people's experiences. Aside from being extremely talented in arts and graphic ( Affa customizes shoes and whatnots, he customizes everything to the extend of being an art prodigy),he also seems to have a flair for writing. I guess he can always have another successful career as a blogger should he gets bored with customizing. But of course, that seems impossible, art is his passion just like reading is mine. Good things do come out of past relationships, you gain friends!
6.5.08
Tags and Exams.
- One more designer bag..LV Neverfull or the Gucci tote with ribbons
- Full body beauty treatments for a lifetime
- Romantic vacations
- Vintage dresses that never makes me look fat or boring
- Get married to a knight in shining armor and be spoilt
Erm..since Kak Eza mentioned it..i need escargots au gratins..im having my period and craving things.;p
Senaraikan alasan atas pilihan anda itu:
- bcoz I love it when kak Naddy wears hers, and i just fell in love with the Gucci tote
- bcoz we all need em
- bcoz Im all stressed out..and i just re-watched Meteor Garden 1 and 2
- bcoz no dresses suits me now and im running out of dresses to wear
- bcoz most of my friends are married or getting married to theirs and theyre happy.I want a slice of that too!
5 impresi terhadap orang yang diminati:
-Gorgeous
-Nice
- Stylish
- Cute
- Rich ..must be.;p
Perkara yang paling hebat pernah dilakukannya untuk anda:
None so far.;(
5 ciptaan yang paling disukai (tidak semestinya melibatkan teknologi yang maju):
- handphone
- anti aging products
- electrolysis hair removal or something
- Internet
- cute korean and taiwanese actors..yummy..;p
Apakah perkara yang paling dibenci?
- Panas yang melampau !
- Nyamuk !
- Muka sendiri berminyak
- One who likes to judge or make own assumption about anything without knowing the real truth
- Budgets..restraining me from everything i want !
5 Orang yang yang mahu anda tag:
- Kak leeds
- Kak Syana
- Kak Naddy
- Nodee
- Rashid
p/s: Goodluck to all MMUans for the upcoming final exam. Procastination no more ! ;)
